The Questions

Let me tell you what I did with those questions. I took them with me on my first date with Fabulous Guy. We took turns. He laughed when he saw the list; typewritten on three pages, separated into categories. He took it as a challenge to see how many he could answer. Any question I asked him, I also had to answer and vice versa. It was great fun and we giggled and made eyes at each other for three hours.

We've been out twice since.

I bet we have answered about 75% of them, and you know what? There aren't any right or wrong answers on that list. I have loved men who differed from me politically, spiritually, philosophically and sexually (although I divorced him). I thought of the questions purely as a means to generate conversation on worthwhile topics outside the realm of "where did you go to school" and "what do you do for a living". I wanted to know about his character, and I wanted to ask him questions that might tempt him to lie, and I wanted to be able to see if I could tell if he did.

He didn't or I couldn't, one or the other, so I guess that maneuver didn't work.

What did work was that I discerned alot about him, revealed alot about myself, and learned to love the sound of his laughter.

Can't ask for much more than that on a first date.

Questions for a Prospective Lover

I have a date tonight; another first date. I doubt if I will ask but a handful of these questions, but here's a list of what I'd like to ask...

In the bedroom, are you vanilla, strawberry, chocolate or Neapolitan?
Have you ever had a sexual encounter with someone of the same gender?
Are any parts of your body off limits? Your partner’s body?
Do you have a taboo fantasy?
Describe your first sexual encounter.
Describe your most intense sexual encounter.
Kerry or Bush?
Obama or McCain?
On a scale of one to ten, how strongly do you feel about Hilary Clinton?
Is abortion ever an answer?
What advice do you give a 17 year old, asking about birth control?
Does gender affect your answer?
Did you smoke pot in college?
Any other drugs?
Have you ever purchased an illegal substance?
What happens when you die?
What distinguishes humans from animals?
Are some humans animals?
For or against capital punishment?
For or against gun control?
Have you ever cheated on your tax return?
What is the closest relationship you’ve ever had with a person of color?
What is your first reaction to a panhandler?
How often do you drop something in their cup?
Are people poor because they are stupid, or because they are lazy?
What are your living will instructions?
Burial or cremation?
What would you like your epitaph to be?
Could you withhold food from your mother if that was in her living will?
For whom in your life have you felt your most intense emotional feelings?
What do you consider cheating?
What are your feelings about your partner having opposite sex friendships?
How would you feel about your partner disclosing intimate details of your life together?
How often do you use veto power?
What is your greatest fear?
How many times have you gotten your heart broken?
How much would you be willing to spend on the healthcare of your pet?
What is your most frivolous financial indulgence?
What is your most frivolous time indulgence?
Do you have a recurring nightmare?
Do you remember your dreams?
What is your most vivid childhood memory?
Describe your best friend.
How many people in your life love you unconditionally?
Have you ever had sex with someone you knew less than 24 hours?
Have you ever paid for sex? (officially)
What is the worst financial decision you’ve ever made?
What is the worst romantic decision you’ve ever made?
If you had one “do-over”, what would you pick?

Beginnings

This part is so intoxicating. The anticipation of meeting someone for the first time, someone with whom you’ve corresponded on an internet dating site is hugely distracting from one’s normal routine. First, you see their profile, you read it, you gaze at their picture, trying to discern the direction of their soul. You can feel their written words, underlying depth of character, education, intelligence. You garner their listing of interests, mentally comparing them with your own. You are delighted the next day to discover that they, too, perused your profile.

When they finally bite the bullet and initiate conversation, your heart beats a tiny bit faster. Again, words are scanned into memory. You bide your time, perfect a response, and send your words coursing through cyberspace, a heat seeking missile, searching for a home. Later in the day, your IM beeps, an unknown origin, you hesitate. You don’t know this person, asking for a moment of your time. He adds a sentence referencing an email topic and you sigh with relief.

It’s Him.

Conversation tip tapped on the computer is light and easy at first. You smile as you type and often laugh out loud. The phone rings after an exchange of numbers and a pleasant voice responds to yours and the lively banter continues. Shared interests are exchanged, hesitant queries into past and present, arrangements are made to meet in person.

And so it begins.

Everything ahead is new, the great beyond unknown. A spark is there, you both feel it, but a spark does not begat a fire unless the chemistry is there to ignite it, and that is as of yet, completely unpredictable.

Shifting Gears

I shivered this morning, goose bumps raised along my t-shirted arm as I made my way to the bench by the fish pond, steaming coffee in hand. The days themselves stay stiflingly hot, but the mornings now have a nip to them. I sat on the bench and stared up at the leafy canopy above me. The trees even seem to be donning their sweaters, leaves curled over and drooping slightly.

It’s that time of year, again. I harvested two pumpkins, but am proud to announce that two more are growing as we speak, green and glistening in the grass. I have no picture to show, can only paint the image with my words. I was perusing the pumpkin patch, concerned for the vines holding the tiny pumpkin babies, worried because the withers had infected the stretches of vine that hosted the pumpkins that are now perched on my porch. I wondered how the new growth could get any nutrients. I was surprised to discover that pumpkin vines send down roots every few feet. The vines hosting the other pumpkins could have been different plants entirely, because the new growth had sunk roots of its own.

So, basically, the vine growing in my garden has withered to dust, and the vines hosting new growth are growing entirely in my lawn. I find humor in that, for some sick and silly reason.

I’m thinking that next year, I will put more of a focus on growing food bearing plants, instead of only growing flowers. The connection to nature seems more profound when I report on end products that actually sustain life instead of just adding to it.

I took my youngest son shopping for back to school supplies, which for us, includes our semi -annual clothing spree. Every year, I let my sons buy whatever they want. They get the supplies on their lists; new trapper keepers, new pencils, pens, erasures, glue sticks, along with shoes, socks, boxers, shorts, shirts…whatever they want. No one ever goes all hog wild and greedy, but it occurred to me that perhaps I do this to accommodate the little girl inside of me that hardly ever got anything new.

I was the youngest of four girls, and my clothes always had previous owners. My school supplies usually consisted of a few pencils and maybe a notebook with a dozen clean pages still attached to the spiral. I always, ALWAYS, had to borrow the peripherals, like scissors, and glue and erasers. It gives me joy that my sons don’t have those worries. In fact, my youngest has a shelf in his closet with a veritable inventory of school supplies left over from previous years, should his shopping spree supply dwindle before the year runs out. I actually nose around that inventory a couple times a year to replenish my own home office supply. I feel good knowing it is there, for me and for my son.

It felt funny, this year, buying supplies for only one child. My middle son, who starts college in a month, will have his own trip, on his own, with my credit card. He doesn’t need his mother any more to scratch off items on the supply list sent with his school schedule.

It’s tempting to be melancholy this time of the year, when everything outside seems to be moving a little slower, winding down. It’s hard for me to not think of fall as edging towards a time of impending darkness instead of just the nightcap before a long sleep. And sleep is really all it ever is. Everything wakes up again in a few months.

I finally subscribed again to Yahoo Personals. A guy worthy of risking the money emailed me, and so I forked over the cash so I could respond. This is what I ended up writing in my profile:

The flowers by my fishpond waft in the breeze. The goldfish peer at me with nonchalant eyes. The vibrant colors in the murky depths of the pond, and surrounding the carefully placed rocks, reflect my spark and spontaneity. Come with me and let me walk you through the lush garden of my life.

Can you appreciate the silence, contemplate the quiet? What grows in your garden? Are parts still left untilled? Two hands make short work, and one never knows what breathtaking beauty awaits until one picks up the trowel.

I'm looking for a like minded person, one who smiles at a clever turn of phrase, who has reverence for nature, who is strong and kind and handsome...at least, in my eyes.

I had to add the second and third paragraph because Yahoo rejected just the first paragraph, then the first two paragraphs, and wouldn’t accept it until I added the third. They said I wasn’t being specific enough about myself and what I’m looking for in a date. As if I knew, as if ANYONE knows.

It feels good to be dipping my foot in the romance pool again. It feels good to flirt and compliment and hope. I’m doing my best to keep it low key.

Wish me luck.

Second Best

What is almost as fun as pursuing a new love interest? Pursuing a new client! A rather large organization sent us an RFP a few months back. I wrote up a response to it, some of it tongue in cheek because they were three times the size of any client we have, so I thought our changes of being glanced at were less than my chances of catching George Clooney’s attention at a Red’s game. My partner and I were just discussing the fact that we hadn’t heard from them when the phone rang.

It was the big potential client.

Their point person was calling to say “thanks, but no thanks”. I kept him on the phone for half an hour and apparently, I charmed him with my voice and persuasive powers because the next morning, at 9:03am, he left a voice mail for me asking for a meeting in person with him and their CFO. I called him back and charmed him some more.

This morning, he called to “ask a question” to see if we knew our stuff when it came to affordable housing. I called him back to give him the information and he said, “Hold on. Save it for the meeting. I want you to wow my boss.”

So.

Guess what I’m doing tomorrow morning at 9:00am.

I’m going to be wowing his boss, thank you very much…and hopefully wowing him in person, too.

I’m taking my business partner with me. Two gorgeous , smart women are infinitely more effective than one. Don’t hold your breath, though. They are huge and we are tiny. But…I’m gonna have fun tomorrow, anyway. I’ll just pretend that the man across the table’s name is George….(g)

I miss my camera. Sniff.

There are new flowers blooming. The pumpkins are now both bright orange. The straggly weeds have transformed into purple profusion, just like they did last year. The mums are budding up. The cannas is blooming bright yellow. A monarch butterfly has been sipping the nectar of my garden and a hummingbird has been perusing the purple flowers from Magic Man’s garden.

And I can’t show you any of it.

I’m trying really hard to conserve my money because I’m hoping to have two children in college this fall, so the camera may very well have to wait until Christmas.

Sigh.

Vacation

My boys and I had a great vacation last week. There was no internet, no cell phone service, no cable...and astonishingly enough, no complaints from my boys. No "I'm bored, there's nothing to do" whining. We just had a wonderful time, bonding and talking, and laughing, and swimming and fishing and cooking together.

I’m struggling with time management and need to make time to write out a vacation story, but for now, this list will have to suffice, along with a few of my favorite vacation photos. I dropped my camera on the dock and broke the little plastic thingy holding the batteries into place, so until I get a new camera, you most likely will not be seeing a lot of photos on my blog.

I wrote the first three chapters of my novel and will hopefully, be writing more and less on the blog. I will try to do a post once or twice a week.

Here’s the list and the pics:

Lone goose-at least one quack ended in a question
Birdsong-one hundredfold as home
Turkey vultures-concentric circles in the sky

Dog heaven-chipmunk hideout, other dogs, boys without electronic distraction
Hugging boys-each boy, at least once a day
Taking pictures

Having Sarah here. 
Driving to the store and finding our way home

Skipping stones

Blazing the spider web trail

Reverence for life

Beautiful dragonflies

Flowers everywhere
Fishing

Lexi overcoming her fears-stairs, water, plank bridges
Discussing the novel with my boys
Remembering the past with my boys

Morning walks with Lexi, both of us learning to use the leash

Adventure to Cataract Falls-upper falls were powerful, but dirty. Lower falls were under water and smelly.
Wrong way on the highway going back.
Bought pizza appetizer for dinner.

Boy bonding

In awe of my beautiful boys

Getting Lexi in the boat.

Waite boys gone swimmin’
Dropped my camera on the dock and broke the battery cover. Used two rubber bands for a temporary fix.

Hummingbirds at the feeder every morning

Lexi posing for a picture

Hiking through trail 7 at Turkey Run state park

Greg, standing in the light...
Missing a turn, going 20 miles the wrong way

Waite boys skipping stones the way I taught them a decade ago.
Pizza Hut on the way home.
Another evening of swimming with the boat and Lexi, Sarah joined them this time.
Falling asleep on the couch, refusing to move, oversleeping (slept for 10 hours)
Hummingbirds again, this time I just watched because my camera was messed up.
Trying to fix the camera after the rubber band broke. Tried duct tape, fishing line, stringer rope, and finally used cellophane tape, but now I can’t close the lens cover.

Web of life
Saying goodbye to Greg and Sarah in the morning, writing directions for Greg, which he had to re-write.
Grocery shopping with Scott and Kevin
Looking for the movie theatre
Rotten salmon
Going for a walk, fish over the bridge, discussing the age range of the Loftus family
S’mores by the campfire


Morning walk with Lexi

No hummingbirds for the perfect light morning

Vacation toes

Previews

I'll be gone for a week. I'm heading off to a retreat to write my next novel.

I watered like crazy last night, snipped all the dead heads, pulled every weed I could see, even the eensy teensy ones. I wonder what I'll come home to, as I don't think my boys are very good at keeping an eye on flowers. Here are a few pics I took this morning to tide you over until I get back.
This is what awaits my return:

We could all learn a great deal from sunflowers.....four new buds.

Marigolds, planted from seed.

Painted daisies...hundreds of them!

Purple garden phlox

Beautiful purple spires....don't know what they are called, I thought they were ragweed three years ago and almost pulled them. Another contribution from the birds in my neighborhood.

Deep red cannas



My magnolia is STILL BLOOMING!!

Not many of these made it past seedlings, but this one is lovely.


Two colors on one stalk!

Say a prayer that my pumpkin survives my retreat.

My best friend.

The ever elusive shot of the sweet beans...so fragrant and lovely.

Have a wonderful week, and Magic Man, send me muse vibes as I write the difficult story we discussed. I asked the Universe for a "novel" idea and boy did she give me one! A little suspension of disbelief, a little science fiction, a little tragedy, a little of Betty....and much, much fantasy of my future and my past. It doesn't include romance, at least not yet...can Betty really write a piece without a love interest?