Pay It Forward

For the past several weeks I have included in my morning ritual, the reading of three passages from Melodie Beattie's book, Journey to the Heart, Daily Meditations on the Path to Freeing Your Soul as well as meditation for as long as I can until my mind wanders too far away to focus back. Recently, I added reading a chapter from the book Zen and the Art of Happiness. This morning, I did all three activities, and as I meditated, tears streamed down my face.

I felt so wonderful from the meditation. I'd read in the Zen book that the Universe functions on very specific laws, one of which is the notion that to every action, there is an equal reaction. This doesn't just pertain to physical laws, but also emotional energy as well. I sat there meditating and it occurred to me that the love I have felt over the past couple of years was not unrequited love at all. It wasn't un-anything. Perhaps it wasn't deflected directly back to me, but the recipients of those feelings passed them on to others, paid the love forward, if you will, or perhaps, internalized those love feelings I gave to them to help themselves love themselves. It wasn't wasted energy, it couldn't be because energy is never wasted, cannot be destroyed; another law of the Universe that I had not considered in an emotional context.

I decided this morning to stop fussing about whether or not love is returned to me. I want to simply love. I want to put out into the Universe as much love as I possibly can. I want to be a fountain of it, and let whomever needs it draw from it as they need. I have an abundant supply. It is reassuring to think that the love I give is not wasted. Perhaps ERG passed it on to his daughter or one of his sons. Perhaps FG passed it on to his girlfriend. Perhaps they will pass it on in the future to a new romantic interest. It matters not to me. What matters is that I loved.

I loved.

And I will love again.