Meditating

In addition to the reading, and the meditating, last night I posted the thoughts that came to me while I was meditating. I hope to do that every day. I will still post stories, and of course, my thoughts for the day. Perhaps this site will have even more frequent postings. I hope so. I've missed the daily capturing of my thoughts on the keyboard.

Today, I closed my eyes and listened to the silence. I searched for the little blue dot and when I found it, felt a thrill close to sexual excitement. It lasts only a moment, but as I meditated, the little blue dot came and went, and filled my body with excitement and delight each time.

My house was completely silent, or so I thought. I paid attention to my breathing, noticing the song bird entertaining in my back yard. I heard the ticking of the clock mounted high on the wall above my sink. My cat yawned next to me and I heard the tiny click of sound she made. The bird continued to sing, the clock continued to tock and I sank into my thoughts. I took myself inside, inside the words of the books I've been reading, into the reality of who I am and where I am in this life I'm living. I was overcome with a beautiful blanket of appreciation and gratitude. I reflected on the previous evening, observing my son with his new girlfriend, who I enjoy very much. She's lively and vivacious and brings out the liveliness of my son. I thanked Gardening Gal for encouraging me to try steel cut oats, seasoned with blueberries, almonds and maple syrup, which I have been enjoying for the past week. I prepared some for my son's breakfast this morning, paying that goodness forward. I reflected with wonder at the activities of my social life, noting that both of the men that had shown such serious interest in my company had bowed out without ever experiencing any of my physical delights beyond a simple taste of my lips. I chuckled to myself, silently, in my meditation, because I know, I KNOW that such omission is 100% totally their loss.

For the first time in my life, the very first time, I don't care if I find a partner. I have 100% faith that the universe is unfolding as she should and if I am meant to live as I am now, in the beauty, joy and comfort of my non romantic companions, then so be it. I am happy. I am joyful. I have more than I could have ever imagined for myself, even without a romantic partner.

I listened to another bird add to the other's soliloquy, just as the refrigerator kicked in, cuing the furnace to add to the duet. I could no longer hear the tock of the clock, nor the birds singing outside. I could hear only my thoughts. I returned to the blue dot, which grew in intensity and power and felt again the tingle of recognition. There you are, you beautiful Betty, you.