Reading

I'm going to try to keep track of the books I've read in 2012. I don't know why, perhaps just to reassure myself that I'm keeping my mind active during this period of self imposed exile from anything resembling work. I consider reading to be a form of training for my writing, so as long as I'm either reading or writing, I'm not goofing off.

I finished The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein on New Year's Day. I loved that book, sobbed at the beautiful, beautiful ending. It was written from the point of view of a devoted dog whose master was an amateur race car driver. It was a book on spirituality, silly as that sounds, written by a dog. The author combined the spirituality of unconditional love imbued by a dog with the spiritual aspects of driving a race car. One of his main points is that the car follows where the eyes lead. In other words, set your sights and your future will follow.

I've thought a lot about that over the past few weeks since I finished the book. I never envisioned anything other than letting go of Easy Rider Guy. I'm not blaming myself (although I accept responsibility) but it is hard not to wonder what would have happened if I had been capable of envisioning a different outcome. Lesson learned.

Next, I read three Janet Evanovich books, Fingerlickin' Fifteen, Sizzling Sixteen and Smokin' Seventeen. Brain candy, but fun. I'm looking forward to Explosive Eighteen, but I'll wait until it's out in paperback.

Instead, I am currently reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I have Meditations In An Emergency in the queue. Both books were featured in the first season of Mad Men, a show I loved, loved, loved and may have to watch again in preparation of the new season beginning in two months.

On my nightstand, before I go to bed, I've been reading Zen and the Art of Happiness by Chris Prentiss. The man says, over and over again: "Every event that befalls me is absolutely the best possible event that could occur." It takes some getting used to, but outside of my nephew dying, I can see how this could be true. He goes on to say that this outlook basically makes even the worst happenings full of hope.

Each morning, I read the daily meditation from Melody Beattie's book, Journey to the Heart, Daily Meditations on the Path to Freeing Your Soul. Actually, I read the previous day, the current day and the next day, so that I eventually read each passage three times.

I am working hard on figuring out how to keep this peacefulness in my heart that I found on November 4th. There are certainly times when it is more work at staying there than others, times when I'd like to drown myself in a bowl of ice cream or a bag of chips. I keep plugging along, keep getting myself to the gym every day, keep looking at myself in the mirror and seeing my own beauty, as well as the beauty outside my window.

I am happy. I am joyously grieving that letting go of ERG was "absolutely the best possible event that could occur" if that makes any sense at all. I'm trusting that the Universe knows what she is doing.

So, final tally to date: four books finished, three in the works as of January 18, 2012.